dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize