that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
