If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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