he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
