why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
