Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Sacagawea was the original milf.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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