Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
