this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
