I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
