He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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