What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize