You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
