I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize