Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
