just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
