y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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