Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
