my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
