I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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