I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
