Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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