i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
