I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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