I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
