I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
