Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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