his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
