I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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