She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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