Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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