May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
