yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
