Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
