He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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