The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
me + whiskey = a bad person
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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