you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
