the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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