I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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