Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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