Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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