Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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