so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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