omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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