she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
