we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
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I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
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Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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