textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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