She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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