I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
