Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize