Swine flu. Run for my life!
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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