You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
