So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
