Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
