and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
this is an emotional support booty call
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize