I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have grass duct taped all over my body
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
