He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
