I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
