Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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