so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
