Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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