She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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