You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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