I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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