You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
