I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
