i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
